Dregtheras of Kalecgos

I don’t usually come down on people like this, but Dregtheras here makes me laugh. Oh, excuse me, Dregtheras of Kalecgos. You know what you’re in for when you see the words “real x player(s)” because real players are forged over incredible lengths of time, and too many people lose their sanity over that time. Our friend Dregtheras is no exception.

Only someone who’s number-crunched combat data and calculated best-in-slot itemization for months on end would ever argue in favor of WoW’s current system. Attack power, defense, armor penetration, spell power — all terms I’m familiar with, but all terms I could easily do without. The fewer statistics I need to keep track of to determine how well an item performs, the better; it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what gear will serve him best. Stats should have a self-evident effect on your combat effectiveness; when it came to those specific stats, you were almost forced to number-crunch to figure out what actual benefits they provided. When you’re dealing with strength, agility, stamina, etc., it’s obvious what’s happening. They’re very basic concepts with very direct effects.

As for the changing world, I’m not sure how anyone can complain. Nobody who’s held a job or communed to work every day for a few years, anyway. The bigger question here is: how has WoW gone so long without changing? Sure, Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms are nostalgic, but Blizzard strives to create an ever-changing experience and the old world has been neglected since the game was first released. In fact, I’ve played a relatively short time and already the trek across the same familiar places makes me want to gnaw off my own arm. To a certain degree, that can’t be helped, it’s a drawback of having such an expansive world; but anything Blizzard can do to mix up the same old boring scenery is a definite plus. Of course, it helps to make informed decisions and make quality changes.

Lastly, what’s the problem with Hunters using focus? Does it even make sense that a Hunter uses mana in the first place? Hmm?

That is all.

Bad blog promotion ideas, take 2

These ideas were from a blog I wrote a while back. I re-read it, liked it, edited it and decided to re-post it. Enjoy, or don’t. You know how it goes.

Boredom proudly present 8 bad ideas to promote your blog:

1) Door-to-door or street promotion. We already have these wannabe rap artists and Jehova’s witnesses, so why not mix it up with blog pushers? I’ll tell you why: curb & stomp. The second your nerdy ass knocks on the wrong dude’s door, you’re gonna get a gat in the face and a menthol in the eye. You might get away with it in France, though. Prepare to be yelled at and argued off their property, but you won’t have to pay a hospital bill the next day. Not an expensive one, at least.

2) Billboards. I’m sure somebody could pull off advertising their blog on a billboard, but until somebody just straight-up does it without givin’ a fuck and does it right, then I’m just gonna go ahead and say hell no to billboard blog ads.

3) Counter-Strike sprays. This idea is a frustrating combination of annoying and amazing and I just can’t decide if it’s cool or stupid. I wanna say stupid, and yet… I dunno. One screenshot. Please? Just one funny pic of and I’ll be happy.

4) Scribbles on your passed out drunk friends. If you do try it, remember to take a picture and post it on the net. If it ends up on 4chan, you might pull in a pretty decent amount of traffic. Anonymous, autonomous, and altogether satanic traffic; but if cold hard numbers are what you crave, 4chan has them in abundance at the low, low price of your worthless soul. Ask them, they’ll tell you as much.

5) Shout-outs in rap songs featuring Eminem. If you somehow score the chance to do a rap single with Eminem, it’s probably not a good idea to promote your blog. Unless you’re Snoop Dogg; he could drop “check out mah bloggity blog, ya dig ya’ll?” and break the internet with traffic. But you’re not Snoop Dogg, and you aren’t ever going to record a rap single with Eminem. Hip-hop if you’re lucky… but if you’re some sissy promoting a blog through music, cheesy TV jingles are probably more your style anyway.

6) Airplane banners. Just don’t do it.

7) Tattoos. Nothing screams desperate tool like a promotional tattoo, and it will only serve to remind you how stupid you were “back in the day.” But I’ll bet Stephen Colbert has a tattoo. Yeah, I’m sure it’s a huge, promotional panorama across his chest. And I’ll bet it’s of himself, pointing in judgment at any and all who glance at the repulsive yet incredible spectacle. And I’ll bet you couldn’t look at it just once — that kind of awesome needs time to soak in. (I’m sorry Stephen, but lies must be perpetuated for the sake of lulz. You should know this.)

8) Commemorative plates. This is an example of reverse psychology. Here I’m going to tell you not to design decorative plates, but I actually want someone to try this. If you can somehow turn this awful idea into a slick little cash crop, I salute you; but wow, you’ve gotta have some balls. That’s like becoming the Jimi Hendrix of hair styling. Everyone respects you and your skill, but you’ll never escape the profession’s inherent flamingness. If you’re lucky, your family will understand. IF you’re lucky.

When it’s in your blood

You can’t get rid of it. No matter how much you change your life, it’s gonna come around again. For me, it’s gaming. It’s written in my DNA, and even after months of barely playing I’ve found myself posted in front of the TV for hours. I’m not complaining — it’s what I do. There’s no way I can turn away from the instant gratification games constantly give me. Ten minutes later it’s like, “damn that was pointless,” but then there’s a new thrill and I just keep going. That’s how “just one more game” or “just 10 more minutes” turns into ten more games and three more hours. No matter what you’re playing, it sucks you in.

For me, first person shooters always beg for more violence. Swift, unadulterated, bloody violence. I can’t snipe for shit, but throw me an M4, Mp5, or G36C and you’ve got a one-man guerrilla army. OK, so I’m not that good — but I can pull off some pretty mean shots and I’m always on the go. Besides kicking ass and taking names, the biggest thing is to laugh my ass off. Whether it’s getting killed by a grenade launcher to the face, getting capped as my body falls limply off a desk and smashes its face into a wall, misfiring a rocket into the wall in front of me while trying to be all sneaky-like, jumping over a railing to avoid a claymore only to be blasted by one on the stairs, or tossing a grenade over the river and through the woods (to random frags we go?) and laughing as it bounces off some poor bastard’s head before blowing him into pieces — it’s funny, and I like it, and I’ll keep playing to laugh about more of it.

RPGs are a little different. It’s about exploring everything and everywhere, collecting every rare and powerful item, amassing huge fortunes, taking over every faction or territory or planet possible, pimping out my character and party, and just generally doing every last thing I can possibly think of. It doesn’t always happen, in fact it rarely does; I get bored, grind out a few final goals, and give it up for a while. The lmao rule applies here, too; the more I can laugh my ass off, the better. And for fuck’s sake (developers take note) I don’t mean through cheesy dialog or forced humor. There are a lot of clever, brilliantly-scripted games out there; but for every one, there’s 10 wannabe’s that can’t pull it off. It’s like watching a B-movie trying to pull off The Matrix… it makes me cringe, and it just looks lame and stupid. Give me epic opportunities to make my own lulz and all is well. Trust me, when physics and fantasy combine, shit happens, and the shit that happens tends to be hilarious. Or mindlessly frustrating, but I blame sloppy coding for that.

Other genres are a mix between the two extremes. In racing games, I love driving fast through technical courses and pulling off crazy drifts — and it just gets better doing it through traffic. And then, when failing to do so, I revert to a NASCAR mentality; “be epic, be epic, be epic… AW, fuck that! That was lame!” After the thrill dies out, the completionist in me rages as I scramble to win every race, unlock everything, buy everything, and spend the rest of the time in the garage on an impromptu episode of Pimp My Ride.

All of those things are written into my DNA, all of those little pleasures; and even though I rarely play these days, they’ll always call to me. I’m a gamer. Half of me says, “woot”, and the other half says “fuck”; but either way you dice it, I’m a genuine, pure-bred, run-in-my-veins geek. Ya rly.

Giving up on the World… of Warcraft

Here I go, bringing up WoW again, but Azeroth is a place I can’t seem to stay away from for long. And every time I go back, I find more reasons to stop playing. I graciously accepted an offer for 7 days of free game time (in celebration of WoW’s 5th anniversary), and within hours I started understanding both WoW and my class better than ever. It made me realize that I just wasn’t a fan of the MMO gameplay model. I’m all about tweaking a character, but spending countless hours pulling groups together and making hardly any progress while hardcore players tackle the fun content and reap the most exciting rewards in a fraction of the time just makes me feel like a pussy.

It all ties back to my love for character customization and being the biggest badass possible. In WoW, it’s just too much effort. At the end of the day, it’s still a video game and no matter how phat your loot, it doesn’t count for anything in the real world. The novelty that used to draw me into WoW has faded and I’m left with the bitter reality that the end-game isn’t what I expected; it’s too much like work. I can see why it steals souls and destroys families, but it’s not for me. I’ll stick to single-player games, where I can get the same satisfaction in a fraction of the time.

Still, the allure of being the biggest eBadass in all of Azeroth and leading devastating raids on the Alliance calls to the geek in me. An infatuation with fantasy and adventure, you might say — or maybe it was the desire for admiration from my peers and shear terror from my enemies. I always wanted to climb the ladders to the top, form a top-tier raiding and PvP guild, and control the server with my 1337 gear and widespread influence. I realized the goal(s) had no real significance and didn’t warrant the effort — similar to most other online games I’ve ever played. From now on, I think I can tackle an MMO and keep a pretty realistic mindset about how much time is really worth pouring into it. I’ll just have to remember: I need to enjoy the journey and nevermind the destination. When Diablo III finally rolls around, I’m going to play the shit out of it and enjoy every last blood-soaked moment, but I won’t give myself any delusions about how far I’m willing to take that addiction.

Reaching max level and gearing up for the game’s biggest challenges? A fun goal that ultimately guarantees your time spent will be worth the money paid. Wasting away trying to cram as many continuous hours into it as I can? No thank you, not anymore. It’s been proven with WoW — sure, I never quite went on to the “biggest” challenges, but I accomplished my original goals: I dinged 80, bought my epic mount, and worked hard to gear up. Ultimately, my toon is terribad (WoW-speak, anyone?), but I had fun doing it. Whereas before, I’d look for more excuses to keep playing, I’m finally understanding and accepting that it’s not a worthwhile goal, in the end. I had my fun, and I knew from the beginning I was bound to pack it up. Time to do just that and wait for the next addiction — be it Cataclysm, StarCraft II, or Diablo III.

Yeah, I said it — Cataclysm. What? Exploring new content was part of WoW’s appeal to me, and let’s face it, finally flying around old world zones is going to make things interesting. And let’s not forget the upcoming Looking For Dungeon feature, which will making running instances and raids a lot easier and accessible. OK… so maybe I have some unfinished business in Azeroth, but when these seven days are up I’m throwing in the towel for a few months. Destination: Cataclysm.

That, or the slew of other games I’m just dying to get my hands on. There’s too many to list, and it’s been a while since I’ve felt much enthusiasm for the industry. Time will tell whether that enthusiasm is justified, but nonetheless, there’s a lot of great gaming in store for the next year.

Day Zero

Today — or more accurately, tomorrow — is day zero of my ghetto-rigged fitness plan. I have no delusions about this; after a million failed “attempts” at beginning a routine, I know what I do and do not have the physical, mental, and emotional discipline to accomplish. There was always a surplus of confidence before any work had to be done; but sure enough, once it was time to put plan to action there were a slew of excuses that stopped progress dead in its tracks.

This time around, I know better. In fact, I’ve set no distinguishable goals for that very reason. It might seem counter-intuitive, but considering my tendency to set unreasonable, unrealistic goals, having few expectations is my best bet. After all, you can’t lose when you can’t win. The idea is to set life goals, not temporary goals. I don’t want to spend several weeks accomplishing a goal only to revert to my past ways. No, this time my goals will be based on progress and not ambition, and will be secondary to changes in my lifestyle.

With that, I’m off to do a little exercise.

Always look on the bright side…

Because if you’re looking at darkness, you’re not seeing much. More to come.

PS: I’ve setup a flickr account to accompany my blog. For now, I’ve only uploaded the bulk of my Photoshop crap into a single set, but I intend to use it for more.